Being a wrong mama

Being a wrong mama

In an almost too-perfect turn of events, the first version of this post got lost to posterity. Maybe it was in a random Word document that didn’t get saved when I shut down the computer too late at night after too little sleep. Maybe it’s hiding in some bizarre folder. Maybe I accidentally posted the whole thing to Facebook already?


I’m Stephanie, a Pākehā, feminist, brand-new mother-of-one from Wellington, Aotearoa. I’m a word nerd at heart, and I’ve always been a writer, and I definitely love to overthink things. So of course I took a lot of notes during pregnancy and the early days of parenting and decided – eventually – to share those with the world. On the one hand, I thought, we probably don’t need yet another mummy blog (worst phrase ever); on the other, I rebutted, we might need one like this.

The title of this blog comes from the overwhelmingly dominant feeling I had in the early weeks of Baby’s life: that I was doing everything wrong (I even messed up giving birth to her). Making every choice poorly (Formula? Pacifiers? Disposable nappies!). Doing the worst things I possibly could and thus ruining my daughter before she even had a chance to prove herself.

I know a lot of mamas and other parents feel the same way. And I know it’s infinitely easier to deal with when you can talk to each other and reaffirm, as often as possible, that you’re not alone. It’s also easy to forget as soon as you have a rough day or your routine gets thrown out the window – which is a universal feature of parenting.

So here we are. A place for to share and commiserate and remind each other that there’s nothing wrong with being a Wrong Mama – and making less-than-perfect choices for your bub is a long way off from actually harming or neglecting them.

There’s a few posts up already, from another blog I write which is more ranty and political (of course there’s nothing to get ranty and political about when it comes to parenting, right?). Those talk about the journey (I kind of hate that word too but it’s the best we’ve found so far) my partner and I had going through IVF. The road to pregnancy and having your child can be just as difficult and even harrowing as everything afterwards. And you definitely feel like you’re doing it wrong when you have to turn to science to make your baby.

It’s tough to make commitments with a wee bub on the hip, but I’m going to aim for a weekly post here. Even if it’s just a bit of fun. And who knows what else might develop? If you have any suggections, let me know in the comments below! You can also subscribe to get posts delivered to your email. And don’t follow me on Twitter. It’s mostly just yelling about NZ politics and science fiction.

See you next time!

Photo by Tetiana SHYSHKINA on Unsplash

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